Meet Engineer Ernie, the legendary Couch Potato firefighter with a mustache that rivals Tom Selleck's. At the ripe age of 55, Captain Slouch boasts a career that began when he was merely 20, accumulating years of experience that rival the wear on his favorite recliner, and right around the time of the first season of Seinfeld, dialed up internet and almost two decades before the smartphone saw the light of the day.

Early years

As a kid, Engineer Ernie was an easygoing buddy, always opting for relaxation over exertion. His laid-back attitude and knack for finding the coziest spot in the room foreshadowed the couch potato he would later become. Video games like Atari’s Pac-Man and Space Invaders, NES games like Super Mario Bros, Legend of Zelda, and Street Fighter, and cult classic movies like Goonies provided the perfect escape into a world where effort was optional. And to this day he still believes Garbage Pail Kids are a sound investment and is convinced that dial-up internet will revolutionize the world.

In the '90s, Engineer Ernie’s transportation device of choice was a neon-colored rollerblade, zipping through the streets with all the grace of someone who believes in the profound wisdom of Vanilla Ice with his Walkman on his hip. His preferred alcoholic beverage? Back in the days, Zima was clearly the elixir of choice, but he has since then moved on to more sophisticated drinks like beer.

Present time

Today, you'll find Engineer Ernie in the fire station, strategically positioned on a recliner older than most of his colleagues. He enjoys TV shows like The Office and Brooklyn Nine-Nine – programs that deliver laughs without demanding too much mental exertion. He scoffs at electric scooters, believing his trusty skateboard is the epitome of transportation sophistication, at least in theory. In reality, the truck is his go to transportation device. His music playlist features the easy melodies of Jack Johnson and the soothing tunes of Norah Jones, setting the mood for his relaxation rituals. His experience is unmatched, not because he's constantly battling blazes, but because he's mastered the art of snoozing through fire drills. While other firefighters rush into action, Engineer Ernie contemplates life's mysteries, like whether mullets should make a comeback.

Strengths

Within the firehouse Engineer Ernie is seen as the maestro of relaxation, the one who effortlessly finds moments of repose amid the chaos. Despite his penchant for leisure, his colleagues appreciate the positive vibe he brings to the force. Engineer Ernie’s ability to maintain a calm and collected demeanor even in the heat of the moment adds a unique layer of tranquility to the firefighting team. His wealth of experience, earned both on the field and on the couch, makes him an invaluable asset, reminding everyone that sometimes, the most effective firefighting strategy involves knowing when to kick back and relax.

So, next time you see Engineer Ernie casually strolling toward the fire truck, mustache impeccably groomed, and an air of tranquility about him, rest assured that the flames are about to face the most laid-back extinguishing of all time.